Author: Azzrian Visions
Falling in love is complex for some, and happens easily for others. Regardless of what type of person you are, when we fall in love we need to be sure we are falling for the person that is, not the person that could be. As an expert in love and relationships, all too often I see clients falling for the potential of a person, and not who they are right now. This is a Catch 22 because it is good to see the potential in others; otherwise we could be very jaded, negative, and skeptical. However, we have to remind ourselves of one true thing: It is up to the other person solely on if they reach their potential in life or not. Sure, I have seen some amazing couples, who meet, fall in love, and help each other rise to the top of their abilities. It can happen, but only when both people are in a very positive space beforehand. The more common theme I find unfortunately is one person is the healer or helper type, and the other becomes their “project” or work in progress. The healer type wants to help the other rise to their best abilities, and while it is an act of caring, it can quickly become destructive and a big letdown for the healer type. Oftentimes also we find that the reason the healer type wants to help someone else is in effect to help themselves! This then is taking two people who are not fully whole unto themselves and trying to force them to fit such as two puzzle pieces that just don’t match up. The things you want to keep in mind while in the dating world are as follows:
- Be your best self first. Don’t go out into the dating world looking for someone who can make you a better person, and likewise, don’t go into the dating world looking for someone who needs to be healed, mended, or fixed.
- If you catch yourself thinking what an amazing person they could be “if”…then you are already looking past who they are and seeing who they could become. It is one thing to think of the businessman you are dating as a rising star in his field and another to expect yourself to be able to get the guy who has been on public assistance for two years to suddenly find work, because of you! Even the unemployed guy deserves to be loved for who he IS, not who he could be. This process of “healing” the other person is unfair to both.
- Decide if you can accept the other person “as is” and if you cannot, move on. It is quite simple really even if difficult at times to do. If you cannot love and fully accept the person you are with as they are without thinking of how much more they “could be” or “become” then you are being unfair to yourself and to them.
Of course it is good to want better for someone you care about! Of course you hope that they find their ambitions, dreams, and goals become reality, but if you are trying to manage how, or when, they get there, then you have taken on the role of healer, fixer, and at worst, controller. It is always best to focus on self, and be your best self, as then you attract what is best for you in a relationship. Being “selfish” in this manner is in reality the most giving thing you can do for the other person in your life. Get great relationship advice from Azzrian Visions now!