How to Fix a Broken Relationship
There are hard points in a relationship that might come after long periods of fighting, cheating, lying, or just simply growing apart from one another. Fixing a broken relationship with your husband or boyfriend might not be easy, but it can be doable if you and your partner decide that it is something you want to do together. Here are the steps to fix your relationship and keep it healed for a while to come.
Pick the right time and place.
After the two of you have agreed together to try to fix the broken relationship, agree on a time and place to have the right conversation. Try sending them a message asking them what works best for them in a show of compromise and an attempt to start the conversation off right. You might even suggest the idea of sitting with a mediator or advisor to make sure the conversation is guided in the right direction. A big no is plopping down next to them on the couch while they watch the season finale of their favorite TV show or the biggest sports game of the year and ask them to talk about your problems.
Be calm and attentive.
Instead of storming into the conversation, enter with a calm mindset. Solutions aren’t reached by screaming at each other, but by two people calmly and patiently discussing the situation. You can try diffusing the conversation by sharing a pleasant memory or a joke that only the two of you understand. You are focused on fixing your broken relationship and a big part of that is remembering that there were many pleasant memories shared.
Hesitate before you speak.
As the two of you begin to really talk about your grievances, it is important to remember that words can never be taken back. There will be so many thoughts swirling around in your mind and you might get caught in the heat of the moment and say something that you don’t mean. And if that happens, that’s okay, you’re human and you have human emotions. But try your best to take a deep breath and stop yourself before you say something that you truly might regret later. It is important to remind yourself that you want to fix your relationship with your boyfriend or husband and that means learning how to effectively communicate with each other now and in the future.
Throwing crazy accusations and yelling back and forth at each other doesn’t work. If you notice that your conversation is taking a turn in the wrong direction, bring you and your loved one back by trying to use the following tool. Instead of starting a sentence with the word “You” try instead starting it with the word “I.” So for instance, instead of saying “You lied to me and broke this relationship” try instead saying “I was upset when I found out about the lie.” This way, your partner will not take this as an insult personally directed at them, but instead, will start to understand how you felt about that particular action.
When your partner starts to talk and say things that are bothersome, don’t be so quick to jump in and defend yourself immediately. Remind yourself that you came to fix your problems and a part of that is forcing yourself to recognize mistakes that you might have made. Try to see what they tell you as constructive criticism rather than insults intending to hurt you. If your partner seems to be going on a rant without coming up for air, patiently wait for them to finish what they have to say and then remind them that the goal is to fix the relationship, not to cause more damage.
Communication over silence.
There may come a point in the conversation where a total silence overcomes you and your partner. You might feel too hurt to say anything else or just don’t know how to respond to their accusations. Instead of deciding to walk away, come back to yourself, take a deep breath, and tell your loved one how you feel. Honor their presence and their time by making sure you give the conversation all that you have.
Walk away with goals.
After you guys reach a stopping point and feel like you successfully communicated and resolved some of the major problems, make sure to discuss a few goals that each person should work on in order to ensure that the relationship works. For instance, your partner might walk away from the conversation with the goal of making sure to come clean and tell the truth. But it is also important to remember that relationships are a two-way street and as much as you might not think you did something wrong, you should still walk away with a goal for yourself as well.
And most importantly, time.
Forgiveness can be an easy word to say, but it doesn’t work like magic. Once you say that you forgive someone and even if you really do mean it at the time, it still takes time to heal old wounds and a broken heart. You might really want to see a change in your loved one and it might take them some time to really show you that they are working on making the change.
And sometimes, no matter how much you or your partner try, at the end of the day the best thing to do is let go. But before you walk away from each other, you guys will walk away knowing that you did absolutely everything in your power to make it work. The end of a relationship is always sad, but a relationship is intended for two people that want to work together to create a happy and loving environment.