The importance of understanding the relationship versus the person
My guides teach that in following Universal law (not always listed as a separate and specific law) we find harmony, happiness or dysfunction and unhappiness not in our chosen partner but in the actual relationship.
As humans, and most especially females or those with more female energy and characteristics, we tend to attach our potential for happiness upon a person. As a relationship progresses we become more and more “attached” and as we become at risk for losing our self-identity we also make the mistake of placing all of our hopes or aspirations for happiness upon one individual. If we are receiving attention and our partner is making efforts that support the commitment to the relationship, we can idolize such a person and over time we develop the belief system that our specific partner or one specific person holds the keys to our life’s happiness or unhappiness.
When a relationship becomes dysfunctional, or should our partner exit, we often feel that all of our dreams, hopes and chances for happiness leave with such partner. And although the feminine energy seems to be more prone to this reaction of emotion, male energy can also fall prey.
The danger here is that over time we become dependent upon a partner to keep or make us happy, and when we are unhappy or not in balance or harmony, we tend to affix this to the person, when in reality it is always the RELATIONSHIP that defines our level of satisfaction and completion.
Each romantic relationship, regardless of orientation begins by some type of connection. While generally this is an attraction and a Karmic feeling (Karma defined as the “supposed to be”) we can also develop a strong, lifelong relationship with someone who originally was just a good “friend”. In order for happiness to be complete and lasting, both partners must learn the order or the “trinity” or “trine” of a relationship, and the point or top is the relationship itself, with each person being on either side at the bottom. So if we look at the picture, then we can say the top heart or the vertical point represents the relationship, while the bottom hearts represent each individual.
Although this is in no way meant to imply that as humans we can simply go out and make a selection for a potential life partner in the way we may choose a vase for our home, it DOES rule that it is the relationship that is always the focus, the energy and the vibration of harmony or chaos and not the attachment of either person. By understanding this Universal and Spiritual law, and being able to respect each relationship as a separate entity, we can often save failing relationships or empower ourselves to leave those which no longer or do not serve our highest good.
Our potential as humans to connect on a spiritual and romantic level with other humans really has no limits. Who we spend our life with, or any length of time depends on our Karma, life path, external circumstances and most important; the actual “relationship” itself.
When both persons are committed equally and in balance and give the highest attention to the relationship only then can we truly achieve peace, harmony and happiness. When we attach ourselves to the person, we become immobilized to make shifts, or to change patterns that have developed. No matter how much we may feel drawn to, connected with or “in love” with a particular person if the relationship is either non-existent or in a state of obstruction or chaos, we can never achieve true peace and happiness.
An example of attaching to the person and placing the actual relationship below or as secondary to the person is as follows; we feel strongly connected to a person and feel such person is the “one” for us. We may obsess over their thoughts, feelings and intentions, because their actions are not apparent or obvious within the relationship. So perhaps the person makes little or no effort to interact, there is little or no contact and a full commitment is absent or flawed, yet because of our “feelings” we continue to hold on ignoring the obvious dysfunction or even existence of the relationship.
In couples that are emotionally intimate, equally committed with mirror image intentions for the future, keeping the relationship as the top priority can assure us of a happier, balanced and continually flourishing relationship. For existing healthy relationships, following Universal law means as an example that all of our decisions are made with consideration to the relationship first and foremost and our energy and attention is directed towards the relationship before the person. So for example if you are aware that your partner can be a bit insecure, you cater your actions to serve the highest good of the relationship, which in turn serves yourself and your partner. Although at times there may be some overlap; meaning what’s best for the relationship is also best for self or partner, there still needs to be a conscious effort to continually see the relationship as a separate entity, and to evaluate the success or dysfunction, and the future potential as well as the present reality on what the actual relationship provides or lacks.
Universal law applies to all relationships, of all levels, although as humans for most if not all of us our most important or most desirous relationship is romantic or that of a life-partner, mate or close and intimate companion.
So no matter how strong one’s feelings may be, nor the Karma; (defined as the feeling of supposed to be) and regardless of the feelings and input by our partner or the other person, if the relationship is ineffectual, chaotic, strained, or totally ignored, it is then impossible to achieve a happy and harmonious life with someone, regardless of how strongly we may feel.
So when you are struggling, whether friendship or family and most important a romantic interest; take a step back even perhaps making a list and honestly evaluate the merits of the “relationship”. These are not personal characteristics and should not read as, she is caring, or he is sensitive to my needs, but instead should be things such as, he/she makes all efforts to support and encourage relationship growth. The decisions are always made with the best interests of the relationship. The happiness or unhappiness is the direct cause and effect of the relationship and its influence in my/our life.
We as humans place emotions as the ultimate factor, when in truth it is the RELATIONSHIP (or lack of) which is the highest point at which we can aspire to, or be successful with.